Metaphor of the day....

Some people can just fart in a room without so much as a pardon and then wonder why it smells so bad...

Room Full Of Egos

I’ve never liked big groups. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always felt uncomfortable in them.
In some form it always resembled A Room Full Of Egos.
Most people in the room are trying to shine, while the room is already very bright. It’s a little unnatural, and unnecessary, but happens all the time.As a result others try to hide in the safety of shadow, but there is no shadow… In short, no one is themselves.
My desire would always swing from shining to seeking shadow, trying to fit in and only when I’d leave the room, would I find peace and myself again.

I remember the camps I’d go to as a teenager, learning how to perfect my shine, and at the end feeling rather sick with myself for being ‘so fake & bitchy’.
At high school I’d have a barrier meters high, creating my own shadow to hide behind, while at war with those bright lights around me. Shield of their light, attack with mine and all the while keep the barrier up… That cost a lot of energy, and I was sweating all the time.

In my twenties, I took on a different approach. By that time I’d lost all desire to create light in a bright room, but I still felt my ego shrink & expand to the current of my environment, it still cost energy, just to stay me. So, I’d wear baggy clothes. My ego never swelled beyond my sweater, when it shrunk it still felt safe, and if at times, staying me took a lot of energy, it less noticable.

I’ll be thirty next year. My aim…. No more baggy clothes in a Room Full Of Egos…

It’s getting better. When looking into those bright lights, I actually can see the person behind them, with their swelling ego and their own barrier. Maybe not the same as mine, but a shield none the less. Also, all my imperfections, and blunders that become so painfully clear in a bright room, don’t bother me as much as they used to.

I think you’ll still see me in baggy clothes, even in my thirties… But soon it will only be an expression of style, and no longer a safety zone in a battlefield of lights.